Friday, July 15, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
I took this photo on Ox Bow Trail....
i think the flower is called... Purple Passion
Passiflora incarnata L.
This unusual flower is widely distributed in the Southeast, especially from Florida to Texas. The plants were given the name Passionflower or Passion vine because the floral parts were once said to represent aspects of the Christian crucifixion story, sometimes referred to as the Passion. The 10 petal-like parts represent Jesuss disciples, excluding Peter and Judas; the 5 stamens the wounds Jesus received; the knob-like stigmas the nails; the fringe the crown of thorns. The name Maypop comes from the hollow, yellow fruits that pop loudly when crushed. Yellow Passion Flower (P. lutea), a small yellow-flowered species, occurs from southeast Pennsylvania to Florida, west to Louisiana, and north to Missouri, Illinois, and West Virginia.
Friday, July 08, 2011
Thursday, July 07, 2011
We took a few photos at Lake Fayetteville last night. Incredibley(lol)this was one of mine...
Lake Fayettevile Night
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
Trying to learn Star Photography(Astrophotography). Last Night was my First attempt. Here's one of my shots. I need way more practice.
The Milky Way
Monday, July 04, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
I shot a Dragon on the way to the store. What it was doing going to the store, i don't know.. lol.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
BillyQuackenbush
So you say you are going through withdrawals without your Quackenbush info since i left Facebook? Well get ready for some QB info overload. Just text me at 17025295952 ... you may get me live and in person or you'll get my status, my wit, or my Amazing fact of the day. Go ahead try it. Whatever message you send I can see and may just respond to..lol. Oh and tell me if it works.. and what name it shows up as if any..
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Vieille PorteFriday, May 20, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
Quote of the day..
A friend told me something recently that really affected me greatly... they said.. "Sometimes it's hard to turn down a good time." Lol.. how perfect is that?
Friday, March 11, 2011
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Behind the Scenes: Still Wounded - Lens Blog - NYTimes.com
This is a great article and the photos in the gallery are awesome...
Behind the Scenes: Still Wounded - Lens Blog - NYTimes.com
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Something Unusual From Me.
Ok now normally i don't do this but i thought what the heck.
I received one of those questionnaires that people(mostly women) send out where you answer questions and then send it back to them and all your friends. Well in my case i usually just delete and ignore them But this time for some reason i filled it out and actually sent it back to them. Maybe i was bored, maybe i was sleepy, or maybe i just thought what the heck.
Ok so this time tho after i decided to fill it out i thought of things people really didn't know about me. I wondered if i could ever write those down. I mean the really personal things. The things that most likely would never get put on one of those questionnaires. Well i decided to maybe write a couple of things people might not know.
I was once detained by the Mexican Police and had to donate 20 dollars to the policemans fund to let me go. Lol
I once lived with a family for three days on their Estate which was next to the beach. It was a French Colony on an Island Nation called New Caledonia.
The earth is divided up into four quadrants, i have been in three of the four.
I have crossed the Equator at least 4 or 5 times.
I have pee'd in the Pacific and Indian Oceans.
I once spent the evening with a prostitute, driving around in her car listening to music and drinking beer. All i paid her was for the beer. We didnt have sex we both just drank and talked. I didn't have enough money to pay for anything else.
I once had a stripper ask me out on a date. I said sure. But when she asked me what kind of car i drove it was over. I didn't have one. I had just gotten assigned to a ship and didn't have my car yet. She didn't think a bus ride date was too enticing.
I have driven back and forth between Oklahoma and California 4 times.
I got drunk in Juneau, Alaska with my buddies and 5 Native Alaskan Women.(they don't like being called Eskimos, and i actually found it to be quite warm.)
I met a woman in the Philippines that had attempted suicide. She had the scars on her wrist. Then i spent 3 months in the Indian Ocean. The first port we pulled into in Australia i met(yes, met)... another woman who had attempted suicide, she also had the scars on her wrists. Funny thing is that they both tried for the same reason.
I/We once got thrown out of a Porn theater along with my buddies for laughing too much.
My first trip to Australia i met a woman in Melbourne on my first day there who had just gotten back from living and studying in Oklahoma. She said she loved the sausage gravy, biscuits and eggs for breakfast that she had there, so i knew she really had been here.
I smoked cigarettes for a week when i was in the first grade. I quit because i felt i was getting addicted.
I have been in charge of Secret Material.
I once had to escort a prisoner to his court martial.
I was once the Bailiff at a trial.
The only jury duty i was ever on i was picked to be the alternate juror in case someone got sick. No one did. I didn't get to decide anything. They (the main jurors) gave the guy 10 years in state prison. During the trial I had decided there wasn't enough evidence to convict him. He would have gotten off because of a hung jury, Me.
While watching the OJ Simpson trial i saw a friend of mine testifying. What a shock that was.
I once met a president. Ok saw a president. He was on stage just a few feet in front of me.
I have built two computers from the ground up.
I once smashed all four fingers on both hands at the same time. That would be 8 fingers at once. Trust me, there's nothing you can do to make it feel better but stick them in cold water.. Very carefully!
I once dated a woman who worked in a Hospital. We went out one night dancing and drinking and it ended up so late/early i just drove her straight to work at the Hospital. We both threw up in the Hospital parking lot before she went in.
i guess that's enough for now. Or until i get braver... oh wait one last one..
I am on Facebook... :)
(cont)
I once slept in a drawer.. lol I was a baby of course.
I used to sleep in my brothers car in the back yard when i was still in school. I listened to the radio.. and once in a while A neighbor girl used to sneak over and spend some time in there with me. We just talked... hehe.
I have flown on a commercial jet, a C140 military transport, and a CH-46 Sea Knight Helicopter. I was actually hoisted up into that last one as it hovered over the ship.
I received a Navy Acheivement Medal from the Secretary Of The Navy.
The longest i ever spent at sea before touching land was 78 days straight.
I have been shot at and missed, shot at and hit.
I have only owned 4 cars my entire life, the last two, i still own. I will be 50 years old this year so thats less than one every 10 years. Maybe i should get a new one next year.
I have never watched an entire Disney cartoon-style Movie as far as i can remember. Maybe someone knows if i have when i was little.
I have danced with my Mother...
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Awesome bicycle ride this morning. Well walk and ride actually. I rode my bike a half mile to the track, walked 2 miles, got back on the bike and rode 23 miles. It was a beautiful morning so of course it was a nice ride.
I combined two of my routes. My hill training ride along with my usual everyday base ride of steady pedaling to Leach. It was a bit tough but i did really well. I just couldn't believe how nice the weather was/is for August.
Now i just have to convince myself to get out there and mow the yard. Why is riding/walking 25.5 miles easier than mowing? My yard looks terrible... but man what a nice ride i had this morning.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Ok speaking of Twitter... Here's something that its good for - Okie News and Weather Info You will probably get a bunch of tweets on the page when you first get there. But after that it settles down. You can actually change things around if you want. Create a good search? send it to me.. there is a link here button at the top.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Wow i made an amazing discovery today. Tea made with Tea bags or Tea Leaves. Is just way better than Instant Tea. Who knew?
Yes i bought a new Tea Maker from Adagio. You can boil your water and pour it over your leaves or bags in this pot. Or you can put the bags and water in the pot and microwave the whole thing. Of course you know how i do it. Lol.
Man its so easy and tastes great. I Love it! Now i guess i am going to be trying some new Teas. Funny how instant tea just doesnt really have a taste now. Lol. Oh no i am becoming a Tea Snob. Lol.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Man i thought i was screwed until i got to Number 6. Awesome!!
I think i can do it, my life is CHANGED!!!
The man down at the river says i been SAVED!... Sweet!!! i mean unSweet!!!
I think adding apostrophes burns calories too!!!!!!!!
Wake Up Number 6.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Rose Of Sharon
I am 6 years old in the back of my mother's car
and I will be 7 in December
She will be gone by the beginning of next spring
and I will be left to remember
To remember
I ask my little questions
and she laughs a little laugh
But she won't tell me where we're going
She looks in my eyes with her eyes in the mirror
And says, "Some things you're better off not knowing"
Not knowing
But I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't know what her skin feels like
I only know what it might feel like
When a mother holds her daughter
When that mother knows she's leaving this life
Leaving this life
She's left with that reflection of me at 6 years old
And I have her eyes in the mirror
Well she and I, we are defined by what we have lost
Don't you wonder whose loss is dearer
Dearer
She doesn't know what my voice sounds like
She doesn't know what my skin feels like
And I only know what it might feel like
When a mother holds her daughter
When that mother knows she's leaving this life
Leaving this life
And I don't know what her voice sounds like
And I don't know what her skin feels like
I only know what it might feel like
When a mother holds her daughter
When that mother knows she's leaving this life
Leaving this life
Leaving this life
Leaving this life
Leaving this life
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Thought someone might like to see a new photo i have been working on. This is the ultra small version of it. It seems to be turning out pretty good, if i do say so myself. Lol. I have posted another version(artsy/60's retro)on another page or two so you may have seen that one already. This is the true photo version. I kind of like both versions for different reasons. But i am sure the photo version is more to most peoples liking.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Hmmm...
Now that was just too much fun. I did my morning walk and ride this morning but with a slight change. I put my old bikes seat on my new bike. What a difference that makes. My butt feels way better than it has been feeling. Lol.
I had been using the racing seat that came with my new bike and man has it been painful. I wouldn't have kept using it but i was told by two different people that i would get used to it. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! I never did. It hurt so bad even when i stood up to climb a hill it didnt feel any better and when i sat back down it hurt so freakin' bad. Hehe.
So after i switched seats this morning.. it was like... awwwwww... almost like a downy soft commercial. It felt so good sitting, standing, re-seating. It was the way i remembered it could be. Like how you go without, lets say ice cream and then you get a big ol' bowl of your favorite chocolate brownie fudge flavored ice cream. Awwww man thats so good. Just like i remembered it. Lol.
I rode 1 mile to the track, did a 2.5 mile walk, and a 18 mile ride. I could have rode further... had another bowl... it felt so good....
Out and back a total of 20 miles...
View Larger Map
Thursday, July 17, 2008
The Wave
Your not gonna believe this. I couldn't believe it anyway. I just watched a documentary on TV called, Earth: The Biography(The Atmosphere)in which they showed the cloud formation that passed over me. The one in the photo i called the wave. Sure enough they said that basically that's what it is. That it is caused by the interaction of humidity, temperature, and wind. They also mentioned that it travels around 25 miles an hour(mine seemed a little slower). They showed actual video of it moving and it moved exactly like the wave cloud that passed over me(kind of a rolling motion like a wave). That is so awesome! I wish i could find a video online somewhere to link to. Also since i have other photos of the same cloud(i only posted the one) I may go ahead and post the other shots i took that morning.
I can still feel the feeling it caused in me when it passed in and out of my early morning walk. The wave in me, the feeling in me. Awww how sweet... lol.
UPDATE:
Ok i found a video. I guess they have them sorta semi-regular in one particular place in Australia - Australia's Gulf of Carpentaria, near the town of Burketown. They call them Morning Glory's. Cool name, especially since thats when i saw mine. I wonder if they are very common in the US? Maybe i saw the first one, lol. Ok well maybe i saw one of the rarer ones. Well anyway the video looks exactly like what came over me except the one i saw was a lot lower to the ground. In the video towards the end it shows a smooth one. That looks exactly like the one i saw.
Well i guess we have come to the conclusion of my Wave/Morning Glory. Didn't someone used to say Mornin' Glory to us when we were kids? hmmm...
Here's The Video:
Sunday, July 06, 2008
I call it, The Wave...
Not sure what kind of cloud formation it really is. But its cool. Well i think so anyway. I could barely keep walking as it was coming toward me. When it finally came over the track where i was walking. There was a slight breeze and it was a lot cooler and way less muggy. It never actually rained on me, but i could feel a bit of a mist. All in all it was an awesome experience.
Almost like i was flying...
You can click it for a bigger picture.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
A Momentary Glance
I talked to my Mom last night. I hadn't talked to her in almost 18 years. That is such a long time not to speak to one's mother. But she passed away in 1990. It was of course, in a dream. It's just that for a reason that is still unclear to me, we have never spoken, until now.
It really wasn't a dream any different than the ones she has been in all these years. We are usually here at home and both of us seemingly healthy. She and i going about our lives as if everything was normal. But we have always just passed each other by. Walking down the hall, we pass silent, or as i was walking out the door, she would be coming in. Not one single word has ever been exchanged between us, only feelings.
My dreams can be many things at once. Full of fear or insecurity at one moment and shear terror the next. But when she enters, all is calm. She brings with her, my peace. Like a deserved break from an alien attack. Or a calm feeling as i see the tornado passing far off to the northeast. These much needed re-assurances of my well being, follow her as she enters, and remains with me as she quietly leaves. I am safe once again.
This is how i have dreamed of my Mom. It has just always been that way. Until last nights dream.
I had dropped a glass on the tile floor in the living room. I was on my knees wiping up the mess, being careful not to cut myself, but also wanting to get even the slightest sliver of broken glass up off the floor.
I glance up and see Mom walking into the room, apparently on her way to the kitchen. I go back to picking up the pieces, then i think to myself, i want to tell her something. I stop and look up at her. She stops and looks at me.
"I miss you Mom.", i say. "I miss you too Son.", she says to me.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
My Contribution
Well i donated my 1230 Grains of Rice.
That makes me feel better about the double quarter pounder i just ate.
Anyone want to match my donation?
FreeRice
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Three things i learned this week
I love to learn new things. The problem is it has always had to be on my own terms. Whenever someone has asked me to try and do something new or learn something i did not know before, i resist. Well i actually downright refuse most of the time. But when it's my own idea or i can at least think its my idea i jump in so easily, so readily. It becomes a joy, an adventure. The whole experience of it, the trial and error, the sudden realizations of knowing. Its just so awesome to me.
Now the problem arises when its all external. Work for example. God forbid i have to learn a new job at work. I feel like i want to quit work entirely, rather than learn something new. Even the most simple of new things, tears me up inside. Its not what i want to do. Its forced upon me and i can see no joy in it what so ever. Why, i don't know. It would be so much easier if i did.
But what i learned on my own this week is so cool.
One thing leads to another.
Now that may not seem like an awesome thing to learn but its true. It's oh so true.
Lets begin at the beginning. Oxytocin. A chemical secreted during labor. Thats about as beginning as it gets. It causes contractions during labor. But like i said that is just the beginning.
It also stimulates milk secretion during breast feeding. So its a pretty good bet it ends up in the breast milk. And who receives this breast milk? The child of course. What affect does it have on the child? Well studies have shown that Oxytocin promotes bonding, love and monogamy. It's released in humans when we love or are falling in love. When we feel close or trust someone strongly. It's released in orgasms and has been shown to cause erections when injected in mice.
Can you think of all the times that this one chemical has affected your choices? What this one chemical has done to change or alter your life? Not just its presence but also the lack of it in your system. What does this mean to the millions of babies that are not breastfed? How and when do they get their first experience of love if not thru breast feeding? Would it make them less close to their mothers? Less likely to love as deeply when adults? Bonding, trust, love. All chemically based on Oxytocin.
What other chemical reactions are actually what we once thought, was our own unique personality?
Lastly, i learned that a movie has actually been made that so closely resembles a theme of one of my stories, its amazing. I watched it and couldn't believe it. Its as if the script writer read one of my entries and wrote a story around it. If i was a cynical person i would be upset. But to me it's so cool. To think that someone out there had the same feeling, but after i did. I was first and thats good enough for me. I mean i just learned all that about Oxytocin. About its affects on love and bonding and sex. I wasn't the first. In all actuality Freud was the first. He just didn't realize it was all about a chemical. Instead he believed it to be all in our minds.
Three things i learned in a week... not bad. You're never too old i guess.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
A Neat Quote
"You get to a certain age and everyone you meet has a logical connection to someone or some event in your past".
Well thats basically the quote. From a movie i watched, about 3 minutes of anyway. It just struck me as very accurate. I heard it as i woke up or as i was in between awake and asleep, i'm not sure. It entered my conscious self as i was trying to remember a woman in my dream. She was someone i had just met and we were going over our mutual acquaintances.
But trying to remember the quote, i let the womans identity slip away. All in all, i think i would rather have remembered her.
But i guess she was the words not the dream.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
How about a little reading material?
High gas prices means we're running out of oil, Right?
Well not according to This article.
How Much Oil Is Left?
"Scaremongers are fond of reminding us that the total amount of oil
in the Earth is finite and cannot be replaced during the span of human life.
This is true; yet estimates of the world’s total oil endowment have
grown faster than humanity can pump petroleum out of the ground"
Hmmm, so we are constantly finding new oil. Who knew?
And to prove the point, did anyone hear about this on the news lately?
Scientists Discover (Biggest Ever) Oil field off U.S. coast.
"The find is some 60 billion barrels or 3 Times more than current US recoverable Oil of 20 Billion barrels."
"This is enough Oil to make the US self sufficient and make
foreign Oil supply disruption a thing of the past."
Maybe i wasn't paying attention. After all it was May 1, 2006.
Who knew?
Actually Larry Cathles did in 2003.
Cathles and his team estimate that in a study area of about 9,600 square miles off the coast of Louisiana, source rocks a dozen kilometers down have generated as much as 184 billion tons of oil and gas — about 1,000 billion barrels of oil and gas equivalent. "That's 30 percent more than we humans have consumed over the entire petroleum era," Cathles says. "And that's just this one little postage stamp area; if this is going on worldwide, then there's a lot of hydrocarbons venting out."
But hey lets for arguments sake, say we didn't discover this whopper of an Oil Field.
"The estimates above do not include unconventional oil resources. Conventional oil refers to oil that is pumped out of the ground with minimal processing; unconventional oil resources consist largely of tar sands and oil shales that require processing to extract liquid petroleum. Unconventional oil resources are very large. In the future, new technologies that allow extraction of these unconventional resources likely will increase the world’s reserves.
* Oil production from tar sands in Canada and South America would add about 600 billion barrels to the world’s supply.
* Rocks found in the three western states of Colorado, Utah and Wyoming alone contain 1,500 billion barrels of oil.
* Worldwide, the oil-shale resource base could easily be as large as 14,000 billion barrels — more than 500 years of oil supply at year 2000 production rates."
.
And what the heck is going on at Eugene Island 330?
An oil field re-filling? Now we have too much Oil!
Well i for one think that ought to be enough... for now.
So why the high gas prices?
The Myth Of Peak Oil -
An internal Chevron memo states; "A senior energy analyst at the recent API convention warned that if the US petroleum industry doesn't reduce its refining capacity it will never see any substantial increase in refinery margins."
The Memos make clear that blockages in refining capacity and opening new refineries did not come from environmental organizations, as the oil industry claimed, but via a deliberate policy of limitation and price gouging at the behest of the oil industry itself.
Just a little research i did to help me understand why the high prices. And why if they say we are running out of oil that the big oil companies aren't running scared and trying to find alternative fuels. The reason i believe they aren't is...
1. We aren't out of oil, Just the opposite. There is a huge supply.
2. If it was common knowledge how much oil we really had, the price per barrel would collapse.
... well thats what i found out.
Links:
National Center For Policy Analysis - Are We Running Out of Oil?
NewTechSpy - Scientists Discover (Biggest Ever) Oil field off U.S. coast
GeoTimes - Raining hydrocarbons in the Gulf
WSJ - Odd Reservoir Off Louisiana
The Myth Of Peak Oil
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Click The PicSomeone asked me not too long ago what the desktop/wallpaper looked like on my computer. Well here's a quick screen capture of what it looks like. Thats what i see while i am goofing off on the net.
The Wallpaper is a photo i took at Woolaroc back in the spring of this year. It's nice to look at and remember how warm it was that day. I remember driving around the park with my windows down, man it was nice. Lol. Oh well winter will be over soon.
Lets see... on the left is my mp3 player i wrote(bragging here). I wanted one that only showed the text info on the desktop with no window around it. So.. ahem, i had to write one. Lol. It took me a long time but i got it the way i wanted it. It works great. Lots of features you can't see in the pic.
On the right starting at the top is the program SysMetrix. Its a free program that lets you setup alot of different text info stuff along with a clock. I have it showing the Lo and Hi temps for the day. The current temp and short description of the conditons. And finally the barometric pressure and whether its rising or falling. Oh and upper right of the clock it tells me how many new emails i have. Pretty snazzy and like i said its free. You can put all the different things where you want them. I wanted a neat little grouping.
Below that i have Rainlender, another free program. It's a calendar program that shows the month day and date and auto updates so i don't have to. It also lets you set little reminders as well.
Well thats about it i guess. I don't see anything else. Like tons of icons that is. Hehe. Shortcuts drive me crazy. Or hadn't you noticed? Funny thing tho i can leave my socks scattered all over the floor. That doesn't bother me. But let me see a desktop covered in shortcuts and i think, "Oh My God!" Lol. Some people say i am too picky. I don't think i am. About certain things i am, i guess. Wait, thats what picky means isn't it?
No stories today, or the last year even. But i been busy thinking of stuff to write. All of them just my dreams. I have had some vivid dreams this past year. I wake up thinking man that wasn't a dream that was a movie. One in particular, if i told you about it, would freak you out. I mentioned it to someone at work and he freaked out. Said he didn't want to hear anymore. It scared him. Then it scared me all over again because he got scared. I mean i went to him to be teased and made fun of to help me get over it. He wasn't no help.
So see basically i have held it all in this past year. No need to thank me. Just doing my job. So you won't have to.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Ok, You Said Post Something. How 'bout this?
8 And their dead bodies shall lie in the street of the great city.
9 And they of the people and kindreds and tongues and nations shall see their dead bodies three days and an half, and shall not suffer their dead bodies to be put in graves.
Revelation 11 (King James Version)
Hmmm... sound familiar? Anyone?
New Orleans maybe?
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Dog Daze
... yeah thats what it is. Its so hot and muggy here all i do is sleep and sweat. I haven't felt cool enough or clean enough to actually post anything(just got out of the shower) until now. No news is good news when your hot and sweaty. Oh wait i do have some news... my grass just keeps on a growin'. Being single again means no girlfriend with a grass mowin' kid. I gotta find me a woman... i miss that kid.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Saturday, February 21, 2004
Hand In Hand
Kiss me quick, It's now or never.
Hold me close, we can make it last forever.
We'll take the time, to find our way.
We'll teach each other, the tricks life loves to play.
Hold my hand in yours, I'll hold yours in mine.
We'll not hurry, We'll go slow, We'll take our time.
From the dawning of the day, to the setting of the sun.
We'll be with each other, our spirits one.
Forever in time we'll pass hand in hand.
'Til the stars fall from the heavens.
And we count each grain of sand.
Thursday, November 13, 2003
Forever In My Dreams
In my dreams at night, I think of you.
You're always in my heart.
In my dreams at night, I miss you.
I cry when we're apart.
In my dreams at night, I see you.
I pray you're always there.
In my dreams at night, I hold you.
A long embrace we share.
In my dreams at night, I kiss you.
With a soft and gentle touch.
In my dreams at night, I tell you.
I love you so very much.
In my dreams at night, It's always you.
My world is you it seems.
In my dreams at night, I'll live with you.
Forever in my dreams.
Saturday, November 08, 2003
Between Two Lovers
Is it true what they say?
When one's love is far away.
Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
Or just comfort when their love we ponder.
Are we closer some how, some way?
Are they near enough to say?
That their love to us is real.
And their touch we truly feel.
In love their is no distance.
Always a path of least resistance.
For a million miles between two lovers
Is but inches for the mind to cover.
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
Monday, April 28, 2003
... a dark, hunter green Camaro with fully tinted windows pulls into the driveway.
I grab my wallet and keys and nervously step out of the house and lock the door behind me.
Climbing inside, I sit down hard beside her in the plush bucket seats. No hello's are spoken.
Maybe it was the fact that the time between visits had grown longer. How the usual six months
or so of not seeing her had grown to a full year. But this time it all seemed more ominous.
"You know" i said, "sometimes you scare me." She gives me that arrogant knowing smile i have come to expect from her and replies, "Why is that?"
I look away from her. Too scared even to say it to her face. "Its just... that sometimes.. I think you don't expect to live out the day." With the last word slipping from my lips i face her again.
"Oh really?", she says. Smiling even wider. "Why does that scare you?"
Not letting me turn away this time. I can feel her pulling it out of me. The words i dread to speak.
I hear myself say, "because i know that you will still out-live me."
She starts the car.
Thursday, April 24, 2003
No New Posts... yet
Lets see... well lets start by saying that the somewhat cryptic post is a line from
the movie The MothMan Prophecies. A rather good movie sort of in the vain of The Ring
but not really. They are two very different movies. But they are both horror movies I guess.
I Liked them both fairly well. A surprise to me that I did. I mean how can any movie be scary
after having seen the movie The Prophecy. Whoo! what a scary movie.
Nothing new here. Lots of long nights at work preparing myself for the coming season of grass.
Where rain comes after a week of preparation and self-pity, self-denial, and self-abuse(not the sexual kind).
In the futile attempt to shame myself into getting behind the push mower. Letting the rain give me an out for another day.Followed by days and days of people, friends and neighbors driving by to look at the slow steady growth of green. Wondering if anyone is at home, asleep, or looking at them thru ever so slightly parted curtains.
Sure looks cloudy now tho... maybe tomorrow. .
It's here. The season of grass... No Mow... No Mow...No Mow.
How 'bout a song to commemorate
Song: No More
Artist: Blind Boys of Alabama
Album: Spirit of the Century
Saturday, April 19, 2003
Wednesday, January 29, 2003
Serendipity
serendipity - noun [U]formal:
''the lucky tendency to find interesting or valuable things just by chance.''
I certainly know how that feels. Seems like all the great(well maybe not great) things i ever find/do is by chance. You work on something long enough and hard enough and someday it`ll all just fall into place...
By Luck!!? Thats so sad don`t you think? After all the hard work and long hours. Then to just happen to stumble across exactly what you need by chance? Usually it`s for something totally unrelated to what you were looking for in the first place. A fix or find to something you so desperately needed months and even years ago. Why now? Why so lucky now? Have i done something special to change my luck? Maybe i have been extra good to someone and i am being rewarded. This just doesn`t happen to me that often. Good things happen to undeserving people. Not to me. Right? Well usually i suppose. But this time i think i have an answer.
Luck
Just lucky i guess. Welp, sorry that won`t work because i don`t beleive in luck. How could i? How could anyone? To think that someone got somewhere just because they were lucky. That they have more things, more money, a better job, or are happier because they are luckier? I couldn`t make it if i had to think such a thing. No use working to get anywhere if luck is all it takes. People make their own luck. Their own happiness. The things they have are the things they want. I can`t think of anything i have because i lucked into it. I have things that i need most generally when i need them or when i really truly want them. People have what they need all around them and it`s only when they recognise that fact do they feel they are lucky to have it. Or to have ''Found'' it. These feelings of being lucky are just a way of letting oneself off the hook for getting what they wanted in the first place. A way of dealing with their inadequacies of self-worth. Why can`t i(we) just accept that we got something because we earned it? Because we did everything we needed to do up to that point to get it. Dare i say... deserve it?
Tendency
The tendency to get the things you want, or want to accomplish or need in your life just further illustrates that hard work and persistance pays off. You may go at it in what seems a round about way. But in fact if you never took all the circuitous routes in the first place. You probably wouldn`t get all the peices of the puzzle that it takes to finish the picture. Persistance lends itsself to accomplishment. Accomplishment harbors the desire in us to want more. Success breeds success. To have a tendency to get what you want isn`t lucky. It`s a deserved reward for struggling through the things you need to get through, to reach your destination. No-one ever arrives exactly where they intended, the way they intended. It`s only where they ''feel'' they wanted to be, after the fact. Where all the things they have done in their life has led them. We have a tendency to gravitate to things that are in our own best interest.
Chance
Everyone gets their chance in life. A chance to start over maybe. A chance to make a new life for themselves. The lucky people are the ones that take these opportunities when they present themselves and do something with them. The lucky ones are the ones who realise they can accomplish the things they have wanted to accomplish. That they have led themselves up to this point of being in the right place at the right time. That in their life experiences they have gathered together all that is needed. All that will ever be needed for them to go forward. To break thru the barriers of self-doubt and the denial of self-worth. The lucky ones are always the last ones to put their final peice of the puzzle into place.
So when you become one of the ''lucky ones''. Go ahead take it. It`s yours. You deserve it. Then just step back and say, ''Yeah... I earned it! No Luck in this!!!'
Tuesday, November 19, 2002
rumspringa
The very best thing about working graveyard shift is the sunrise. I have seen so many beautiful sunrises over the last 10 or so years. I always feel so lucky each and every morning during my drive home from work. The golds and the ominous reds filling the sky. The darkness giving way to the light. The end and begining of everything presented to me in the color and the atmosphere of the morning sky. So often i have thought about keeping a camera in my glovebox to share a picture or two with friends and family. But my simple little pleasure has always kept me silent. My little secret.
My only other perk for countless nights of missed sleep is NPR's Morning Edition. A radio show beyond all other radio shows. A morning that could just as easily be filled with rap and hip hop. Which is my normal driving to work listening fare. Just wouldn't be the same without Morning Edition. The sunrise and Morning Edition seem to go together to me. Simple pleasures for a simple mind i guess.
On the NPR.org website they have archived all of the stories in text and the original audio of the broadcast if i want to relive anything i have listened to. And one of the features of the website is called Driveway Moments. People write in and tell of stories that they just couldn't stop listening to. The drive home from work over, sitting in their driveway by themselves, the radio still on. Listening so intently as their neighbors drive by wondering what is going on. But not wanting to miss the entire story they/we/i sit quietly in the car, alone.
My favorite driveway moment and the title to this little post was a story about "rumspringa". To quote from the webpage:
"They live in a strict society, under tight control of their family and close-knit community. But when they turn 16, Amish teenagers are allowed the freedom to explore the customs of the outside "English" world -- including alcohol, drugs and sex -- before deciding whether to join the Amish church for life or leave the community altogether".
After sitting in my driveway until the story ended all i could think about was, Who knew? Why wasn't i told about this? I have never heard even the slightest mention of this on tv or read about it in a news article. And this has been going on forever? Where have i been all this time not to have known? As i turned off the radio i realised just how much my mornings have become to me. Never one to rise early. Never a breakfast person so to speak. And yet now i am afforded a view of my world that is so rich in sight and sound. My Morning Edition begins and ends at the touch of the radio dial, I'm home.
The story can be seen and heard here: rumspringa
Sunday, October 27, 2002
For Kwitz...
Well lets see... as fall seems to have arrived all too soon for me. I feel the usual melancholy set in. Not the deep depression of winter of most years. Just the slow draining of hope and joy. Life draining to the lowest points of my body. Like the changing colors of the autumn leaves, I'm losing my chlorophyl.
One thing tho... i do seem to reflect more on my life, the internal side of me. The things deep inside that are seldom reflected to others by my outer surface. There just behind my eyes. There at the corners of my forced smiles. Just the slightest of hints to the people i meet. Wanting, needing my feelings to be recognized by someone. To re-enforce in me that they are not singularly my own. But shared by others, if only a few. An un-shared feeling is such a lonely feeling.
My life it seems is one of a solitary person walking backwards through the deep woods. No sky or light above me. Just the slightest glimmer of daylight on the horizon. Watching everything pass beside me and slowly fade away into the distance. Never able to see things as they come. Never able to anticipate an arrival. Never relish in the joy of seeing someone come toward me, to then see me and smile. It is only in their passing that i realise i fail to see them approach. It is only me that is walking backwards, not them. Is that what winter does to me? Turns me around to face away from the world. To see only sunsets and darkness. Seeing the world around me fading into the past.
Someone please tap me on the shoulder... so i might turn around and face you with a smile.
Have a great Day... Kwitz... lol...
Saturday, September 14, 2002
Lost words...
I looked at the date of my last post and noticed its been about a month since i have written anything. But thats not to say i haven't thought about writing. I think of words or phrases or ideas all the time. Especially at work, where its just so easy to distract myself. But often i get a phrase or paragraph to express an idea or feeling and not that its perfect by any means but it expresses exactly what i wanted. Then at that point i can't add to it. The words for me at least fit too good together to add more. But maybe someone else would like to try their hand at them. I offer them to you... just give me credit... an inspired by... something...
First one... and i wrote this down a few months ago is:
"I love the way she looks for me, when she walks into a room."
Its the look. The feeling of being connected to someone. The silent passion, the source of strength, the feeling of ease and comfort. The look that is mirrored in someone elses eyes. The overwhelming emotions that well up and fill me inside. Tears flow as we try to catch our breath. The look that Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck share in the movie Bounce. Or the way that Claire Forlani looks at Brad Pitt in the movie Meet Joe Black. I can't help but cry when i see those looks. I force the tears from my eyes when when i look at...
Lets go on to the next group of words. And they are... a paragraph actually. And based on something that actually happened... to me.
Here it is:
What time does the sun rise this morning?
How long 'til the birds start to sing?
Seems we've talked all night again my darling.
It's quickly become a regular thing.
You could actually replace my darling with a persons name but i will keep that name nameless. But it really did happen. And was one of those nights that one bases almost every other night, first meeting, and lost loves on. For good or bad it haunts me. Drifts in and out of my thoughts in every smile and every tear.
This last one is very recent. And one that i know i would never ever be able to finish. Hopefully someone can. The inspiration so to speak comes from my attempt at writing a childs prayer. Something to say as they lay down to sleep. I didn't even come close to thinking of a new one. All i came up with was one sentence. But i seem to say or think of this sentence alot lately. I don't know why.
... and with a single beat of an angels wings, she rises up to heaven.
Saturday, August 17, 2002
My Addictions...
Since i don't have anything new to write but need a new entry i thought i would just write out a few of my current addictions. And being an extreme OCD sufferer among other things it is kind of tough to narrow it down to a few. Let alone recognize that something is an addiction but i will try. These will just be the most obvious and hopefully the least destructive. In no particular order...
Yo Crunch - Yes the yogurt... lol... i can't get enough of it. I buy them 12 little tubs at a time. Usually cleaning out the whole shelf of them at Wallies. I especially like the Strawberry Nestle's crunch ones. But also the Oreo's ones as well. They are just so incredibly delicious! 50 cents each... Such a small price to pay for such an awesome treat. I usually have them all eaten in less than 10 days. Yummy.
PressPlay - for $9.95 a month i get to download all the music(old and new) that i want. Its like being in a candy store. Searching and finding songs i used to love and songs i have wanted recently but knew only one song was any good on the CD. Searching for new stuff... new remixes. Un-edited versions. Extended mixes. Secret delights that i wouldn't want anyone to know i like(Samantha Mumba- Body2Body). Not to mention you get unlimited streams of songs without having to download them first. Programming my own playlist.. no commercials... hearing the songs when i want to hear them. The streaming audio is probably my favorite part of it. Something so special about getting to hear a song when i request it. So much better than radio where you wait hours and hours. How new are the songs you ask? Well all of the new Eminem album is there to download. As well as Nellyville by Nelly. Whoa!.. lol... but i already have the CD of those tho. Their both great.
Hard Knocks - HBO Watched it last year when they went into the Baltimore Ravens training camp. This year they are at the Dallas Cowboys training camp. You get to see and hear everything that goes on. There are a lot of fights among the players. Actual fist fights. Seeing guys get cut from the team as they pair down to their maximum roster of players. Thats so tough. One guy got cut from the team on the first day of training camp. Didn't even get to practice. That was hard to watch. Others have been hurt in practice and are lost for the season. Watching Roy Williams running around in an exhibition game asking other guys where he is supposed to be and what he is supposed to do is funny and sad. I can't imagine what he must be thinking. Did i mention they also are showing the Cowboys CheerLeaders trying out too?... lol... there's this one that is... well thats another addiction i guess...
Random - Undescribed Ones... WiFi, Nimh, Dos Ecces Special, Archos 10gb, E-Machines, WinXP.
People - Josephine, Rita Wong, The Chubby Blonde of The Dixie Chicks.. lol.
Thursday, May 09, 2002
They Embrace
...as he reaches for the door he stops and turns
for what he knows will be his last memory of her.
Seeing her bathed in the warm glow of the evening sun,
he is overwhelmed by his feelings for her.
Slowly he begins to walk back to her. Mustering all the strength he can.
He forces himself to ask for one final favor. Finally, as if someone is speaking for him
he hears himself say. "May i hold you once more?"
With tears streaming down her face she gasps with emotion and reaches out to him.
Their bodies shaking from the feelings they have for each other, they embrace.
Standing silently in the long shadows of the almost darkened room. They experience
the most caring moment in their emotionally scarred lives. Then ever so slowly
they release from their loving embrace. Reality again fills the room.
Trying hard not to be seen, he turns away and wipes the tears from his cheeks.
With his last ounce of strength he takes his first steps without her by his side.
Her wedding day is over now and he must leave his daughter behind.
Another man now holds her heart....
by Billy2Dogs
Saturday, May 04, 2002
I sit here by my window
and watch the falling snow.
Drifting through the winter sky
So calm, so cool, so slow.
Like stars sent from the heavens
They gleem in the evening sun.
Slowly they fall and softly they land
They beckon for the others to come.
Covering the ground in such a short time
They are quickly a blanket of white.
So beautiful to see, like a pure white sea
They twinkle like a star filled night.
Then barely I notice, the quick jerking movement
Of a beautiful cool blue bird.
Now I hold my breath, as I try not to scare
And I whisper so as not to be heard.
It is the perfect ending to what has truly been
A joyous and wonderful day.
God sent his creation from you I am sure
To say you love me in a very special way.
by
Billy2Dogs
It all seemed so easy, when she started long ago.
But now she's not so sure at all, she don't know where to go.
She runs thru tall grass prairies, searching for that elusive clue.
Asking all who stop to listen. Where should she go? What should she do?
They all gave her answers, to the questions that she posed.
But none were what she wanted, perhaps no-one really knows.
Exhausted now she's sleeping, underneath a towering tree.
In dreams she finds the answer, that only dreamers seem to see.
Suddenly it's all so clear, she prays she would awake.
To release her from her slumber, her dream she now could make.
But the sun is slowly fading and is soon to disappear.
The answers to her questions, will never seem so near.
Perhaps some day she'll find it, somewhere inside of me.
The answers to her questions.
That only dreamers seem to see.
by
Billy2Dogs
Monday, January 07, 2002
Oh the wonders to behold.
A star lit night, the day grown old.
I count thee not stars but dreams to come.
As loves and hopes as yet unknown.
But at their sight each night i cry.
My dreams before me they fill the sky.
If one should fall to me it lives.
For that dream is mine to you to give.
So if by chance you see one fall.
Cry not for me it's you it calls.
Each star is a dream for us to claim.
Whether mine or yours it's all the same.
by
Billy2Dogs
Saturday, November 03, 2001
Reflection
It must be the time of year. Thats all i can think of. Because it surely isn't my age slipping up on me. Likewise i have never considered my age or anyone elses in how i act or react. But i have for some reason been rediscovering things about me. About things i have done or had happen to me.
Maybe it was the sight of the dried brown leaves floating so slowly, longingly, almost dreamily down to the ground that first got me to thinking about things in the past. Or maybe it was the realisation that i just loved giving candy out to the trick or treaters this year. When i know i used to hate the idea, even dread the inconvenience. My how i have changed.
As the leaves blow along the ground and swirl in the yard i see images of me. I see things that startle me in some ways. Deep inside i find it hard to believe some of these things have actually happened to me. I feel the pain inside my chest from the too real feelings that i once held so deeply inside. That long ago was me. It all seems so real and unreal to me now.
The phrase, "Did i really used to..." or "Wow, did that really happen to me..." tugs at my heart and races through my mind at all too frequent intervals. Swirling about me. Then forcing me to confront the fact that i am only now able to see who i used to be. And the hard hitting fact that i no longer can block out these haunting memories. Like long dead ghosts come to guide me back to my childhood. I see my life chapter and verse coming to live in me again. My frailties, my fears, my obsessions.
... let me stop for now. Lay down and hide my face under the covers. Say a childs prayer that once was my strength and now is my insecurity.
