Billy Writes A Little

For Kwitz...
Well lets see... as fall seems to have arrived all too soon for me. I feel the usual melancholy set in. Not the deep depression of winter of most years. Just the slow draining of hope and joy. Life draining to the lowest points of my body. Like the changing colors of the autumn leaves, I'm losing my chlorophyl.


One thing tho... i do seem to reflect more on my life, the internal side of me. The things deep inside that are seldom reflected to others by my outer surface. There just behind my eyes. There at the corners of my forced smiles. Just the slightest of hints to the people i meet. Wanting, needing my feelings to be recognized by someone. To re-enforce in me that they are not singularly my own. But shared by others, if only a few. An un-shared feeling is such a lonely feeling.


My life it seems is one of a solitary person walking backwards through the deep woods. No sky or light above me. Just the slightest glimmer of daylight on the horizon. Watching everything pass beside me and slowly fade away into the distance. Never able to see things as they come. Never able to anticipate an arrival. Never relish in the joy of seeing someone come toward me, to then see me and smile. It is only in their passing that i realise i fail to see them approach. It is only me that is walking backwards, not them. Is that what winter does to me? Turns me around to face away from the world. To see only sunsets and darkness. Seeing the world around me fading into the past.


Someone please tap me on the shoulder... so i might turn around and face you with a smile.



Have a great Day... Kwitz... lol...